Welcome to the COZY COTTAGE. This is the furever home of the memory of Miss Peach, our 18 year old Devon Rex angel kitty. I am Miss Hunny Bunny, she asked me to pour you a cuppa catmint tea as you read our old fashion mewsings about this and that. Please come by often...one lump or two? Now our precious Hunny Bunny is also an angel cat...please let me be your hostess at the cozy cottage...my name is Miss Hope.

Remember...only in our tomorrows will we realize what we had in our yesterdays.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

SOME MEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS to help reform a naughty kitty (not me:)

Here are some thoughts for you to ponder today as you look out on the world. I want you to smile and laugh today as you read these...A Tuxie cat with his new angel wings told me to tell you all that!

"After scolding one's cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference."--Charlotte Gray

~Cat's New Year's Resolutions~

My human will never let me eat her pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.

I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.

I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.

I must not help myself to Q-tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them down the sinks drain.

I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.

I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has finished watching The X-Files.

I will not fish out my humans partial plate from the glass so that the dog can "wear" it and pretend to be my human. (It is somewhat unnerving to wake up, roll over in bed, and see the dog grinning at you with your own teeth.)

I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.

I will not drag dirty socks up from the basement in the middle of the night, deposit them on the bed and yell at the top of my lungs (Burmese LOUD yowling) so that my human can admire my "kill."

I will not perch on my humans chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.

We will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over any humans bed while they're trying to sleep.

Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.

If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.

I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

I will not back up off the front porch and fall into the bushes just as my human is explaining to his girlfriend how graceful I am.

I will not complain that my bottom is wet and that I am thirsty after sitting in my water bowl.

I will not intrude on my humans candle-lit bubble bath and singe my bottom.

I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it dissolves in boiling coffee.

When I am chasing my tail and catch my back leg instead, I will not bite down on my foot. This hurts, and my scream scares my human.

When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house. It is not necessary to check every door.

Birds do not come from the bird feeder. I will not knock it down and try to open it up to get the birds out.

I will not stuff my rather large self into the rather small bird feeder(with my tail hanging out one side) and expect the birds to just fly in.

I will not teach the parrot to meow in a loud and raucous manner.

The dog can see me coming when I stalk her.

She can see me and will move out of the way when I pounce, letting me smash into floors and walls. That does not mean I should take it as a personal insult when my humans sit there and laugh.

Yes, there are still two very large dogs in the backyard. There have been for several years. I don't have to act as if I've just discovered the Demon Horror of the Universe each time one of them appears in my window.

I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.

When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.

I will not swat my humans head repeatedly when she's on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.

When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock.

Computer and TV screens do not exist to back light my lovely tail.

I am a walking static generator.

My human doesn't need my help installing a new board in her computer.

I will not bring the city police to the front door by stepping on the speaker phone button and then the automatic 911 dial button.

I will not speed dial the overseas numbers.

I will not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing importante miognaioerp ga3qi4 taija3tgv aa35a.

Any critter that lives in the house (hamsters), stay in the house and any wild critters (frogs and earthworms) stay outside.

I am not allowed to set the hamster free in exchange for finding a frog to put in the fish tank.

I will not stalk the deer in the apple orchard next door.

They have sharp hooves and could hurt me if they weren't laughing so hard.

I will not watch the guinea pig constantly as the guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while.

The goldfish likes living in water and should be allowed to remain in its bowl.

I will not put a live mole in my food bowl and expect it to stay there until I get hungry.

I will not eat spider plants and hallucinate behind the toilet.

I will not drag the magnets (and the papers they are holding up) off of the refrigerator and then bat them underneath it so that they adhere to the underside.

I will learn to relax at the vet's office so they will start writing things in my records like "Good Kitty" and "Sweet Kitty" instead of the stuff that's there now like "MEAN!!" "BITER!!!" and "GET HELP!!!!!"

I will not be miffed at my human all day and then kiss her on the nose at 2:00 a.m. to tell her that she is forgiven and can now pet me.

I will not scratch the children of lawyers, no matter how much they chase me or how hard they pull my tail.

If I MUST claw my human, I will not do it in such a fashion that the scars resemble a botched suicide attempt.

If I must give a present to my humans overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a big live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.

I will not soak my catnip toy in the water bowl to make tea.

I will not get high and sit there drinking my tea and kneading the floor afterwards.

I will not then get delusions of grandeur and make tea in the toilet bowl or the tub.

And I will not try to make tea with used socks, dirty panties or hair scrunches when my humans take the catnip toy away from me.

A warm pepperoni pizza is not a good place for a nap.


Isis said...

Oh Miss Peach, my kittens isn't due till about March 8th! :) I'z fink having the tea party before is a must 'cause that way we'z can talk about baby kitten stuff after we'z done talking about nice looking mancats and stuff! ;) Purrsonally I'z in it for d'extra food right now and d'good conversation and company! :)

I'z just can't believe how hungry I'z feel most of the time!


Mickey said...

Good Morning Sunshine!!!!
Those are very cute resolutions. The only problem is that they are such fun it would be hard to stoWe are cats ,after all and it's in our nature :)
I do remember our first date :) It was heaven :) You are such a beautiful ladycat and will be an even more beautiful Valentine!
We had rain last night that washed most of our white wonderland away:(
Silly Mr Winter cannot decide if he wants to stay or go.
I am happy that you snuggle with your Mom.It is good and comforting to both of you.It is also building memories.
Make memories every day :)
Hugs & Kisses Moonshine

Jan said...

Very wise advice, Miss Peach!

jans funny farm

Junior said...

Some of these are very funny Miss Peach. I love them!

Sassy Kat said...

As perfect as ya are I think it is sweet that some resolutions are in the makin at your place. A lot of thought put into these I can see. Also, I have been trying to send ya your certificate from the Cheerleading Academy and the e-mail keeps bouncing. If ya can send me another e-mail I will attach the certificate to that message and send it along to ya. If that bounces I will post it on my blog and ya can come over and pick it up. I made sure that ya didn't get too tired at the academy. I didn't have ya climb high or jump either. Ya did a great job.l

Tybalt said...

Miss Peach, I LOVED the resolutions! I have to admit that me and my sisters do a lot of them.

My mommy wanted me to tell your mommy that she is very sweet to offer to make her a bracelet, and she would love one. Money is tight right now, but when she can manage to squeak enough out of the budget, she told me I could order her one (if that is all right with her.)

You and your mommy are so special! We all feel lucky to know you. =^_^=

Lorianna said...

Hi Miss Peach and Mommy Karla! Is your background pink for Valentine's Day? :) That is my wedding anniversary. my husband and I have been married for 22 years. (almost) The resolutions are so funny and many of them fit my kittie's behavior. I think I will print them out. I also really like those pictures that were before the resolutions. Have a lovely, cuddly day my sweet Peach.
Love and Purrs,

goldenshade said...

Miss Peach, hello and thanks for the kind words you left when you visited. We hope to have better tales when we can be out roaming in the garden...ah...ode to Spring.

Your list was like a ray of sunshine today though. Very funny and oh so true I dare say. :)

~Goldie and Shade

Kellie The Orange Cat said...

Miss Peach, those are very cute Mew Years resolutions!

I hope you are doing well my dear friend.

TT said...

I woulds like to know whose the naughty kitty. I knows it certainly isn'ts you Miss Peach, perhaps you were talking abouts Molly.

Queen Snickers and Empress said...

Hehe we like them!! ~Queen Snickers

PB & J said...

Those are good resolutions - but some of them sound like such fun it might be hard to keep them all!

Cheysuli and gemini said...

I don't know how any cat could keep all those resolutions!

Jan said...

Hey, Miss Peach,

We came by to congratulate you on completing the course at the Cheerleading Academy. Percy says you were terrific. Never complained, did your homework and went to bed early so as to get enough rest for the next day's activities. You can be proud of yourself.

jans funny farm

Stephanie said...

Hi Miss Peach! Thanks for stopping by our new blog to introduce yourself. Good luck with all of your resolutions!

We look forward to getting to know you better!

Boy said...

Those are some gweat quotes Miss Peach! I wove them!

Dr Tweety of da Fab Five said...

Dear Miss Peachy.
What a listee!!! Dis iz fabulous stuff dat you writes. I cannot help but admire my fuzzy red frend.

caspersmom said...

My goodness, what a list of resolutions. I don't make resolutions cause I end up not keeping them. One resolution that Mom and Dad would wish I would make and keep is not laying blending in with the carpet so they can't see me. So far, so good. They haven't hurt me yet, except Mom stepped on my tail once. That didn't feel so good. Also I lay in the middle of the road when they are loading up the wood box. That would make two resolutions I should make and try to keep.


Dragonheart & Merlin said...

Those are very funny, Miss Peach! Thank you for sharing. :) The works of art at the top of your post are very pretty, and very true. :)